just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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