it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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