I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
