According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
