that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
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