forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
