I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
