Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
