A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
