I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
