genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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