Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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