If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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