Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize