im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
