Ambien. No doubt about it.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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