FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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