new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Randomize
