the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
