how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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