I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
