i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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