Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
