wat bout pragnant strippers??
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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