Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize