you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
