I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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