please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
