if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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