Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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