they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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