saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
