New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
