The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I think a kid would responsible me up
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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