Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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