she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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