Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
