I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
