im holly from the hills drunk
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize