in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
