He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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