Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
