I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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