dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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