You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
