So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Be still, my beating vagina.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
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