TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
