Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize