It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
