my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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