update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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