Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
