"it" just moved
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Randomize
