why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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