if you like me you must not know who I am
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
