i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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