Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
