i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I want a musical about memes.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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