The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
