she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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