I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Never joke about your clitoris.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
