I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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