when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
