I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
