Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
