you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize