His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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