Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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