I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
