I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
